I saw a post on Facebook stating “White women are taught how to keep a man, but Black women are taught to not need a man.” I gasped for air when I read this, but why? Shemeka Michelle has already done a vlog on this matter. I see meme after meme celebrating the happiness of lonely women almost every day. I have sat in the midst of male bashing conversations where women describe men as unwanted baggage to be carried. How can anything be loved when perceived as baggage? We can’t, so we don’t!
This mindset has been in the making for a long time and is now embedded in the psyche of Black women not only due to slavery, government assistance, and feminism, but through music also. When crack hit the scene in the early 80s it gave regular, everyday people an appetite for material things usually not obtained without education, entrepreneurship, or old money. Music began to celebrate materialism.
In 1986, I was twelve years old when I heard “Ain’t Nothing Going on but the Rent” by Gwen Guthrie. It introduced my mind to the concept of expecting a man to be capable of provision in exchange of a conversation: Boy your pockets are empty that’s why I asking you what can you do for me… Now don’t get me wrong women have always yearned for security, but there was a proudness in this song. Women began to celebrate their vaginas as a prize to be won by money. Beyoncé followed in 2000 with “Independent Women.” By the time I 26, my favorite songs celebrated drug selling, sexual freedom, and independence from the no good drug selling nigga I was chasing. These songs and others like it rocked our psyches to sleep and we have yet to be awakened.
It’s not that we are taught not to need a man, we are taught to only consider a man who comes to us bearing gifts. We only risk our hearts for men who have enough money to dress up potential heartache.
Some women will read this screaming “What about what we have been through?” What about it? Last time I checked we were giving chances to rebound, so we never consider the idea of us being baggage to a man no matter how many children and bad credit we have. We don’t question the schizophrenic way we want what we claim we don’t need. We stand around with our breast poked out, hands on hips, and duck lips popping believing we’re perfect.
I do not know if white women are taught to keep a man or not because I do not know enough white women to speak on their behalf; however, I am a Black woman who has been a part of a lot of “fuck Black men” conversations and the vibration women have put out about men is what has taught our hearts not to need their love.
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